Internet Marketing Blog | Jesse Kanclerz | Rochester, NY » copywriting

Facts Ruin The Story

Jesse — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:04:18 +0000

This post’s headline couldn’t be farther from the truth. Facts are a crucial part of relating your brands story, you omit them at your own peril.

Show me web copy or advertisements that fail to substantiate claims and the odds are it’s generic and unpersuasive.

For instance, BattleRidge Builders created a thread on ContractorTalk.com for their new website. What follows is my review, it will help you learn how to use facts as the basis for creating a compelling story.

There is room for improvement in the website copy.

For instance,

Quote From The BRB Website:

Quality comes first and we take extra steps to make durable, dependable products we are proud to call our own. Corners won’t be cut to increase production, and we come through when you’re in a pinch.

Yawn. It’s too generic. Quality and dependability are no longer defining but expected, so it’s not really a selling point unless you say how you achieve it.

The Sam Adams commercials are excellent examples, specifically Hop Til You Drop. “We’re a great tasting beer because we only use noble hops. Where other brewers use a dash (2.7 ounces) of hops, we use a pound (16oz) per barrel.” The visuals in the ad are powerful, especially where 2.7oz is compared next to 16oz. For an audience who are not beer connoisseurs the imagery engenders confidence that yes, Sam Adams makes a superb tasting beer.

For a General Contractor deciding to hire a sub-contractor I’m betting safety is an important criteria. Maybe you could use copy that states, “All our builders are certified by *insert accredited safety course here*, in addition to passing our own strenuous safety requirements. As a result, we’ve been accident free for the past 960 days. That’s the equivalent of building a 2,330 square foot, 4 bedroom Victorian home 32 times over without a single injury.”

You might even include a safety checklist that shows how your requirments exceed the standards set by the accredited safety course.

Notice that each story uses facts to make it more believable. The BattleRidge example takes this a step further. It’s hard to visualize “960 days,” so adding the bit about the number of homes built during the time frame provides context for the General Contractor. When you use imagery that a person relates with it’s that much easier for them to wrap their mind around abstractions and larger numbers.

Remember that substance sells.

The Power Of A Captivating Yarn

Jesse — Sat, 10 May 2008 14:35:20 +0000

Tell me which of these is more likely to move you to action?

It is reported that over $17 billion is spent and tens of thousands of deaths occur each year resulting from medical error alone. One of the most common medical errors and a top priority for quality initiatives is inaccurate diagnoses – estimated to be 15% of all diagnoses. What if you could reduce these errors by providing your clinicians with a multi-use, visual diagnostic tool without the hassle of cross-referencing multiple text books? VisualDX is shown to increase diagnostic accuracy 124%.

or…

Jason Bernard is an internal medicine attending at Strong Memorial Hospital. In between completing a cardiology fellowship, supervising a frantic flock of medical students, and butting heads with residents, he valiantly attempts to greet each patient by their first name.

One morning, after pulling a grave yard shift Dr. Bernard was explaining a cardiac catheterization procedure to Steve Wallis, a patient, when he noticed a scaly rash on Steve’s arm. Initially, Dr. Bernard shrugged it off as eczema, but then he noticed Steve also had slightly enlarged lymph nodes.

Deciding to enter his patient’s history, and symptoms into VisualDX, within seconds Dr. Bernard narrowed the diagnosis down to two possibilities: benign eczema or T-cell lymphoma, a skin cancer whose early symptoms mimic eczema. To rule out the latter option, Dr. Bernard took a skin biopsy of Steve’s rash, sending it to a dermatologist for review. The results came back positive for T-cell lymphoma, but fortunately for Steve they caught the disease early before it spread to his internal organs.

Here’s what Dr. Bernard had to say about that particular diagnosis,Each day I make thousands, often instant decisions that affect the lives of my patients and their families. Years of formal education, and practical experience are my foundation, but I’m grateful VisualDX is there to fill in the inevitable gaps.

Call it a hunch, but I bet more people will be inclined to buy VisualDX after reading the second blurb. To help explain why, an MIT professor, Dan Ariely, says it best, we are called into action by emotions – we see a cute toddler in trouble, and our hearts go to her but numbers and statistics numb our emotions and reduce our motivation to act.

The implication for marketers is clear. The power of a riveting story is more likely to evoke visceral emotions and spur the reader to action. A captivating yarn beats hard facts any day.